FORGIVE AND LIVE

FORGIVE AND LIVE

I listened to other Godly women tell of how it just broke their hearts to see people hurting…. How they just loved people so much that they would just pray and pray for them…. I sat in silence because for whatever reason, I knew I didn’t have that burning desire….my heart didn’t just break when I saw God’s people hurting…  what was wrong with me… maybe I am not saved…maybe I am not a child of God… How can I believe and trust in the God of Love and not love his people….the way these women did…. I knew it…something was wrong with me!!   On the way home that night I prayed and asked God why I didn’t have that burning desire to see people saved…that burning desire to comfort his people.  What was my purpose as a Christian if I didn’t have the burning desire to save his people?  Had I become so bitter towards other people in my life that I no longer loved them…and if so…how on earth could God use me…. All of these questions just echoed throughout my heart and head….Praying I would ask God to please help me to love his people, help me to WANT to see them saved….Then  so strongly in my spirit I heard one word, “Deliverance”!  That was it…one word… and I wasn’t real sure what God meant by that… So, of course, I asked.   Again, so strongly in my spirit.. I heard, “I created you for deliverance!” 

That night Keely, our 4year old, brought one of the children’s Bibles that sits on her bedside table for me to read…. Sighing (because the print is small…ugh…this would take forever I thought) but, “Okay, come on Ke!”  She crawls up in bed with me beside her and I open the cover and start to read.  You know it’s just like God in his infinite patients to teach you something from the very beginning.  Page one “Creation”!  Really, God is taking me back to the beginning of time!!  I read aloud the events of Adam and Eve and how in their disobedience…they were taken out of the perfect peace and happiness of the garden…and would grow old and eventually die.   I read aloud and God began to show me that from the very beginning of their journey outside the Garden of Eden…God is careful to mention in his word that he loved them and cared for them…. I continued to read, not for Keely’s sake so much anymore but because I felt the Holy Spirit showing me that from the beginning of time, God is LOVE.  He would take me through the story of Cain and Abel… Noah… the Tower of Babel… and then Abram… and every situation from Gensis 1:1 to Revelation 22:21.  God is showing LOVE…I know this may sound so strange: how can someone who has been a Christian for so long not understand God’s love.  Well, it wasn’t that I didn’t understand God’s love… But, God was showing me that even though through the years of my life when my heart had been broken by others…I had to implement Gods love!  And part of implementing Gods love is forgiving others.   I had to reflect his undying, unconditional love.   I had to move past all the hurt I had accumulated through the years and love… truly love…not in words only…but I had to love from my heart... just as God did! 

What a task it was, God commanding me to forgive! It felt so huge…a mountain that I had to climb…And in order to reach the summit, the place where peace that passes all understand reigns…I had to start with forgiveness!   God would began to show me that I had not been so broken in my life that I hung on the cross…I had not been so broken that nails pierced my hands…I had not been so broken that strips were put on my back… I DID THIS-God would remind me… I suffered the cross so you might have life and have life more abundantly… I love you that much… I love you so much that I left my home in heaven, took the form of the body in which I gave to you… I am not a God that cannot be touched by your afflictions… I am a God that is tangible… that is sovereign…that in your pain I am made strong…that in your weakness I show my strength…. I am not a God that will ever leave you… I will never forsake you… So, if you know that I will never leave you nor forsake you… You know that I have given you my strength to forgive and love as I love… to be spiritually minded to walk in my ways.  Look to me for your joy…Look to me for your strength… I will never, never, never, never, never let you go! In my hands you will be for all eternity… You, my child, have the power to forgive and to live abundantly!  So you see, I have to take you through all of the hurt so you can understand deliverance~ the purpose I have for your life!

Speak boldy as you ought to speak....

Elevan years ago I experienced a great move of God in my life.. I had developed an intimate relationship with the Lord God Almighty... I had been blessed with the gift of knowlege..of discermentt...I had experienced visions and dreams.....I was wanting more and more of him...trying in every way to be obedient....

However, after a short season I began to grow stagnant, searching God for so much more..and just not seeming to get any further in my spiritual growth...I was still experiencing all of the gifts he had given me..I was still receiving words of knowledge...I was still having dreams and visions... .but I wanted more...I had reached a plateau in Jesus.  At this point,  a friend of my invited me to a revival at her church...I went and was so blessed...the spirit of God was moving...people were hearing from God.  The Pastor came up to me... and said, "You have experienced a great move of God before in your life.... and now you are praying for more... In order for you to experience another great move you have to become bolder..." I left there feeling so thankful but so frustrated at the same time... I was so thankful that I had received a word from God, but I was so frustrated because in my mind I was extremely bold!  In my mind, I was radical!  What did God mean...What was I not doing.....?  It seemed as though heaven was quiet... I received no revelation at all regarding my boldness or lack there of...Becoming so frustrated in my own understand or lack thereof I started to become weary and disobedient...for years... I did what I wanted...and not what God was wanting....

One day I picked up my bible and begun to read through all my old notes where Jesus was teaching me to love him... I began to feel engulfed by the Holy Spirit again... It was such a welcomed feeling... A few days later I was reading the word and I found myself reading an old favorite passage...Ephesians 6: 10-20.  As I was reading  I got to verse 19 and 20 which says, " And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly,to make known the mystery of the gospel. For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly as I ought to speak. "  The word BOLDLY seemed to glow off the page... I went back and read aloud those two verses... BOLDLY....BOLDLY...BOLDLY... The Holy Spirit brought back to my remembrance that night at the revival and the word that the past, the man of God, had given me.  The Holy Spirit began to show me that when I received salvation I received the Holy Ghost...and through the spiritual gifts Jesus had imparted unto me...one of which was the gift of tongues... and that gift I had chosen not to use... The Holy Spirit convicted me and reminded me how I had petitioned God over and over for more of him...but what Jesus had already given me..I wasn't using..The Lord said to me, "You have let the world tell you what to do and not my spirit...you have let the world interrupt my word and not my spirit...you became afraid of persuction...you became fearful of rejection of man over fear of me..I  had already given you a gift that would BOLDLY take you straight to my throne and you choose not to use it... you have left me...I did not leave you... You have spent years seeking man's advice...asking me to send people to teach you my ways...to teach you my spirit....to teach you how to seek me more initiamtely...but you never asked me...you never prayed for me to teach you... Until one day my spirit lead you to 1 John 2:27, 'But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.'.... then I casued you to understand...that not by might or by power but by my spirit I will caused you to understand all things... I, even I will open up your understanding...I will teach you to seek me...I will draw you... I will show you how to use the gifts I have given you for my glory I have annointed you.... It is I who will show you the mysteries I have hidden for those who seek me... repent and all things will be made new... repent and I will open up heaven...Turn to me for gudience for all understanding and I will do as you ask... for I love you with a great love... you are mine!"

What a humbling lesson... and a costly one... I spent so many years not walking in God's spirit because of lack of knowledge...because of the fear of  rejection by man... because of that I was not obedient... because of that I sinned.... When I received this revlation knowledge from the Lord I immediately asked for forgiveness and eartestly sought him in all prayer and understanding I sought the LORD for forgiveness and restoration... and the Lord being faithful forgave and restored fully!! Praise the Lord God Almighty!!

.....To much is given much is required! And you will be held accountable for what you have been given and have not used.... You will be accountable for your time here on earth!

Zechariah 4:6 Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.

1 John 2:27
But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.

Luke 12:48 
But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.

Deuteronomy 6:13
Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God, and serve him, and shalt swear by his name.

Proverbs 15:33
The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.

Isaiah 8:13
Sanctify the LORD of hosts himself; and let him be your fear, and let him be your dread.

Isaiah 33:6 And wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of thy times, and strength of salvation: the fear of the LORD is his treasure.
Isaiah 41:13
For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

Hebrews 13:6
So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear

Proverbs 7:15
Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.
Proverbs 8:17
I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me. Isaiah 11:2
And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD;
Jeremiah 29:13
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Galatians 1:10 (Whole Chapter)
For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
Ephesians 6:20
For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
Isaiah 45:3
And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the LORD, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel.
1 Corinthians 2:7 (Whole Chapter)
Ephesians 6: 19-20 ¹⁹And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel,
   ²⁰For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory: